• aphilix


How would/could/should one handle the discovery that one is far FAR more sexually compatible (in terms of basic body chemistry, style and preferences) with a new partner than an older, more established (and generally assumed to be "primary") partner?

I've been generally having a really difficult time trying to rekindle my sexual interest in my established partner. It's not that I don't love her, it's just that sexual activity between us just doesn't feel like fun anymore. We communicate well and we generally have no other issues in our relationship. I have tried initiating sex between us several times thinking I could kick-start my interest, but even when I focus intently on the task at hand, it feels very much like I'm just going through the motions. I am willing to keep doing this for the sake of our relationship, just to keep the connection between us alive, but I don't know whether that's really the right thing to do. She has brought up the decrease in frequency of our sexual encounters, but not necessarily as a complaint, just something she's taken note of.

As I mentioned, I still very much love and care for my primary and we live together...my partners are both respectful of each other and of me. I have no interest in ending either of my current relationships. Any advice?

(x-posted, my apologies for those who are seeing this twice.)
secretary chariots

Only in poly . . .

Me: So I asked Sarah for her AIM or gchat.
Bf: Ooooooooooh, Sarah.
Me: Yeah she's cute.
Bf: I know.
Me: Wait what? How would you know?
::Pause to both look confused:
Bf: You said Sarah, right?
Me: Yeah?
Bf: Sarah, who I'm talking to, who lives in Brooklyn? Blond Sarah?
Me: Ohhh! Nooooo. Sarah who's dark haired and lives in NJ.
Bf: Oooooh!
Enter At Own Risk
  • tehuti

Transcending Boundaries Conference Early Registration Ending Soon!

Join us in Worcester, MA this November for the 6th Transcending Boundaries Conference!

On November 20-22, 2009, Transcending Boundaries will hold its sixth conference for bisexual/pansexual, trans/genderqueer, intersex, and polyamorous people and our allies. We are pleased to announce that this year's keynote speaker will be renowned alternative sexualities speaker and educator Tristan Taormino.

This year’s conference will be held at the DCU Center and the Hilton Garden Inn in Worcester, Massachusetts. We’ll take over their conference facilities to foster community, provide safe space, educate ourselves, and overcome societal sex, gender, and sexuality boundaries!

The conference begins with an open mic and Transgender Day of Remembrance reception on Friday evening. We also have workshops planned all day Saturday and Sunday, parties and entertainment on Saturday night, and a keynote luncheon with Tristan Taormino on Saturday. We welcome everyone, from local, regional and national leaders in the bi, trans, intersex and poly communities to newcomers and allies. TBC works hard to make our conference safe, affordable and accessible for all.

Registration information is available online at our website. Early registration ends in less than 48 hours, so don't delay! The rate is $59 dollars for a regular admission, or $39 for students until Sept. 30. This rate includes lunch on Saturday.

For more information, contact us:
Email: transcendingboundaries@gmail.com
Web: www.transcendingboundaries.org
Facebook: www.facebook.com/home.php?ref=home#/group.php?gid=66095639488
Twitter: www.twitter.com/TransBound
MySpace: www.myspace.com/TranscendingBoundaries

Spread the word!
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(no subject)

     One of the things I've noticed in some recent discussions of poly, especially in regards to people new to it, is that there seems to be a sort of "papering over" of a very important and simple fact. 

When you become poly, it really IS possible that your SO will meet someone that they like better than you.  If this happens you may very well be less of a focus in your SO's life and you might even be kicked out of the relationship altogether.  There is no dating rule, veto, or anything else on this Earth that can change this(even if you decide not to be poly you are just slightly improving your chances that this won't happen).

This may sound like common sense but I can count the times that it has been said on one hand.  On the other hand, what I have heard said many, many times is that the other person won't love you less and you won't have to sacrifice that much.

My question is this.  Do you find that this is something that is not really adressed as a pitfall of poly?  Also, how do you cope with it if you are the loosing end of the equation?


Poly People I Can Do Without

This is a great article by Annesthesia.

I'm told on a fairly regular basis that I'm 'not open enough' and 'too picky' when it comes to relationships. These are exactly some of the things I'm avoiding. Unfortunately I occasionally overlook my own common sense, and get kicked in the teeth.

I also believe many of these points apply to aspects of relationships other than just sexual liaisons.

-the redhead-

Hmm, new situation, insight would be helpful...

I'm working some of this out while writing it, but also am open to input. 

First, the background.  Mr. Right is not the father of my son.  He met The Offspring Known as Dude when Dude was all of 13 or so.  Dude is almost 24.

Mr. Right and I did not co-habitate until Dude went off to college, so he never really parented Dude, which was fine by us all.  He and Dude are good friends and spend time together and Mr. Right has been supportive and encouraging of Dude throughout their relationship, but more as a mentor than anything else.

Mr. New and I are going off on a trip in August.  Part of that trip will include a mutually enjoyable sporting activity, that Dude is developing an interest in.  Since Dude lives near where we are going to be, he gets invited along for a day trip with us.

Dude himself is pretty evolved.  He knows we/I am kinky, without providing inappropriate information to him, he knows we are poly.  As Dude has fairy godfathers and an interesting "found" family from my side of things, the myriad of possibilities of gender and relationship have been part of his world his whole life.  He has always been comfortable with asking me questions and telling me how he feels about this or that.

So Mr. Right asks me mid cuddle this morning, if I'd please not let Dude know by action or deed that Mr. New and I are lovers.  I assured him that I would not, because it wasn't Dude's business at present, and asked for more info - like what was he really concerned about?  He didn't articulate it particularly well, but what he said was he didn't want Dude to have any concerns or questions about the strength of Mr. Right and I's relationship.

Now I'm a little mystified here.  Generally Dude does not meet play partners unless they are really involved with us. As far as intense relationships go, Dude knows our girl, Dude has chosen to spend time both with our girl, her spouse, us, etc (like when he was drinking age).  And while no play ever goes on when Dude is present, he has seen our girl in a collar and certainly heard us addressed as "Sir" and "Ma'am."

So whats the difference in that kind of relationship and another?  I don't want to push too hard on Mr. Right at present to really find out whats on his mind (I know him pretty well, and I suspect he doesn't know entirely himself yet) but I suspect I need to get to the bottom of this.

cat black pot

Flickr Group: poly_misanthropy

I made a Flickr group post our badges, or any images relevant to this community. In the old group people would ask for poly related graphics or images and this would be a nice repository. Use it or don't use it, it is just where I plan on posting my own badges. http://www.flickr.com/groups/poly_misanthropy/

Mama, if you want the admin rights of this group, or someone else to have it, let me know. There are also spots for mods.
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